Relevant Content is King!

2011 May 2

Man we are so lucky to have found 2 SEO genuses to breath a whole new lease of life into this place, in just a few days Alicia V & Roger Relevant have turned this my stats around completely.

We have gone from being a palce that only pervs with wierd Ass queries come to, to being an SEO & internent marketing blog I am so stoked, just check out my analytics now bro :)

ass guru

only a few stubborn ass wipes remain..

As you can see most of this traffic is down to Alicia V SEO expert and her awsome input but in an absolutely stunning dispalsy of SEO genius blowing away all previous research Roger  has proven for once and for all that:

Relevant Content is King

Roger has only gone and ranked an empty page for his name bro, thereby proofing;

if your Content is Relevant enough.. You Dont Even Need Any!

Wow man, deep :)

The one small doubt this has given me though is that my blog is now performing way better than Alicia’s blog advice siad it really should, but maybe it’s just because of The Net Vote – Google just cannot ignore my uber relevant contnet and ranks us anyway.

So if anybody is looking for expert SEO advice in the Ohio, Odessa Texas or Florida areas we have soo got the goods so get in touch.

Until next time from Dwayne and the SEO experts at Optimize My Ass

Ass Hat SEO?

2011 May 1

Recently I have noticed a trend of a lot of people making jokes about the type of hats SEOs are wearing.

I want to make it perfectly clear that “Ass Hat” does NOT equal “Crap Hat”

They donut mean actual hats but the color of the hat defins the type of SEO they do.

A funny one lately is “Crap Hat” :)

Seriosuly if you want yor “Ass well and truly Optimized” you should hire one of our inhouse expert SEOs – Alicia V and our latest find Roger Relevant

Alicia has already laid down insider info on an SEO factor nobody else knows about (although I am a bit suprised at her negativaty about blogs.

So now  I am thinking maybe I need to make the change myself to a custom website to get the kind of SEO performance I need for my discerning Internet Marketing audience here.

Roger Relevant SEO


So Roger is a bit difficult to understand sometimes but he is an SEO & coding genius and it is well known all geniuses can be difficult to work with sometimes so pls bear with him I am sure we will all learn lots of new and excting cutting edge stuff, especially about “relevence” for one thing..

PS. I think when he says “Wibble” he actully means “Widget”

See you all next time kiddies from Dwayne Alica and Roger.

Asshat SEO s over and out

The Truth About Blogs

2011 April 29
by Alicia V - SEO Expert

Alicia V is on a distinguished road Junior Member

Ok - I’m going to share something else that not many people would be so quick to share. SEO consultants or companies… either don’t know about it… or don’t want you know You to know about.

Unless you are trying to establish yourself as some type of industry expert or industry celebrity For the audience you are targeting…

I would discourage you from attempting to make a blog that ranks for anything.

The only blogs I have ever seen on page 1 are celebrity type blogs like Matt Cutts.

People use blogs because they are quick and easy to set up and maintain. But blogs have basically zero chance of taking competitive terms in the search results because of their minor infrastructure

Even a blog that is a part of a major site rarely adds to the site’s value.

The bottom line is blogs are a hype factor that have lasted for a while here. But look at any top 30 results for any search term… and I don’t think you’ll find any blogs

Sorry to be a party spoiler… But that’s better than sending you in the wrong direction

to be quite honest… don’t be overly ambitious on ranking a blog. it’s pretty rare that you see a blog rank on page 1 for competitive keyword terms. actually… I don’t think I’ve ever seen one rank on page 1.

The problem with blogs is that they are not very customizable navigation wise that means future growth is going to be limited. it would be very difficult for a blog to technologically and structurally out run a custom website.

I don’t mean to be all negative about your project… but I believe it will help you to know that blogs are basically a dead-end.

More from Alicia V – SEO expert here

Internet Guru Florida – “The Net Vote”

2011 April 27
by admin

Yo kiddies so some of you wuz probly thinking I’m down and not coming back but you wuold be wrong. :)  You prolly remember that I spent all my cash on SEO Training certificates with Dougie from DP but he turned out to be a fake and works at Burger palace now. He says he’s using their corporate IT systems to hack the FED and divert some of their QE to his bank account but I  think he’s full of bullsheeet.

BUT boyz and girls do not dispair! Enter Alicia V – SEO Expert and she is T3H ReAL D34L!! :)

Her and her homies actually figurd out the Google algo!!

check out the brainpower behind this amazing post, now we gonna be rich $$$$ !!!!

The Net Vote- THE SEO Factor not many people talk about =)

by Alicia.V

I’m going to share something that not many people would be so quick to share. My people call it “The Net Vote“. Most SEO consultants or companies… either don’t know about it… or don’t want you know You to know about it. the net vote is the combined vote of all visitors to a website.

I don’t need any proof of what I’ve said… It’s historical fact summarized in a logical theory proven over the last 7-8 years.

The secret to raking high on Google ( which is not really a secret at all ) is written right on the Google Webmaster guidelines for all the world to see. it says “Build a Good Site”. The problem is… most people read too far into that or refused to take it at face value. They end up getting frustrated and trying to take shortcuts to the top which usually get them burned and in their frustration they turn to SEO firms and get burned even more.

Google’s primary goal always has been… and always will be to provide quality results. Google’s success was in achieving that ( unlike Microsoft just throwing money and mass advertising at it with dumb ass Bing and the two other previous failures to take on Google). Google is in the business of measuring public opinion of the website.

This results in The Net-Vote. Google measures how much time people spend on a website… How many times they clicked on a website… How many times they come back… And over what period of time… all adding up to a Net-Vote-Score for any search term. I’m sure you’ve heard of these factors before… But rarely do people publicly talk about how these factors combine to create the Net Vote Score.

They will usually just hint at things like “does the site get bookmarked?” Google doesn’t know if you bookmark that site… But Google does know if you went back to it… and for how long… and how many times. It all started out with the Google toolbar. With this toolbar Google was able to measure how many times and how long people spent at a website. The more toolbars they had installed the more people they could record activities from. This is why Google would negotiate the pre-installation of the Google toolbar on thousands of DELL computers at a time.

Everything from notebooks, desktops, PDAs, whatever! Everything Google could get its hands on… got the Google toolbar installed on it ( this strategy is important to note for a point I will make in a paragraph below). When other search engine companies realized what Google was doing they scrambled to deploy their own toolbars. Alexa, Yahoo,, everyone! But they were all too late. Their toolbars sucked… and people didn’t want 4 inches of toolbars at the top of their browsers. The Yahoo toolbar I think was the worst.

Eventually, the Google toolbar was defeated legally as a plaintiff was successful in presenting a case of “invasion of privacy” due to Google’s recording of the data I mentioned above. That is why the default for sending information to Google in Google’s toolbar is now – off. But, it was still… Too late. Google was already a net Titan! they had and still have the financial resources to dominate and monopolize data. With the toolbar effectively gone… where would Google get it’s data from now?? there’s only one logical place…

And that’s the ISPs. We had thought this for years - much that we never actually looked for any proof of it.

it was the only logical step. Google is not hard to figure out after you realize what their goal is ( collecting data for the Net-Vote ). It was confirmed for us last year by Verizon… That Google was attempting to secure exclusive rights to all data passing through the Verizon FIOS network ( which will dominate the US ISP infrastructure for the foreseeable future). The case was in legal negotiations in the state of Louisiana. Google has gone state-by-state and secured exclusive rights from ISPs to monitor data passing through them. The data is anonymous… yet still tells Google everything it needs to know to continue to monitor the activities of users on the net. This was no doubt very expensive… and when the other search engine providers attempt to do the same thing… they are once again – Too Late as Google has beaten them to it and secured it exclusively.

I see no reason for Google to ever change this basic strategy of collecting the Net-Vote. SEO firms go on and on about Domain Authority… so let’s check that. DMOZ is a perfect example of absurdity on that factor. Which do you think Google will take more seriously… A few or 100 editors at DMOZ… Or the algorithmically calculated vote of the entire Internet ( The Net-VOTE )? The idea that Google needs or wants the input of third-party data… Is at this point absurd.

It’s no secret… Google measures how long people spend on sites. How often people revisit sites. And other activities at sites. If you do not know this… And you are saying it needs to be proven before you’ll believe it. You ARE clearly out of touch with reality… Which is by definition: insane * Anyone who cannot see that is mentally impaired.

Google has the resources and technology to continue its dominance in the search engine arena. They do not need or want to import of third-party data. The relationship between perceived authority domains and high-ranking sites is one of algorithmic calculation and relativity… NOT scoring a link and big PR domain and getting a worthless site boosted to the top of the search ranks.

Simply put: All the link’s from all the so-called authority domains in the world… Will not make a Blank page rank … For Anything. because when the user gets their… They’re going to make up their own minds as to whether they like the site or not… And Google is going to be right there measuring their opinion.

The bottom line for success is… Make your website appealing to users.

Make it relevant to their search terms. Give them reasons to come back.

Do your best to avoid the hype factors: aged domains, search engine friendly coding… and all the other BS that self proclaimed SEO consultants feed youto keep your ear full and on the bill. Copyright Alicia.V

Thats What I Call Primetime 100% “Ass Optimization” – What a gal!! :) &

2011 February 16

So Alicia said I had to wait but this is way too cool inside info not to share an exclusve with my faithful reader and Swamp Ass drifterz

Alicia says “her people” have bought that old po*ny link system I heard Douggie (my SEO Master from DP) mention a lot, and completely recoded it into an awesome SEO “Domain analysis software” and she (Everess not Alicia) is built for “Domination” –  these servers dont go down.  haha not like the ladies on them anyway.. :)

cutting edge SEO domination – looks a bit complicated for beginners though..


I am assured the domination system has been completely re-coded top to bottom in identical code in every way to the old, on cutting edge flexible software, so there should be minimal learning curve, but I dont know, it looks pretty complicated to me.

But never fear, Bond is here :) – and there are also awesome are training vids.

Her core systems are hooked into the SEOMoz API!!

Hauling Ass

2010 April 2

Well I think I definitely need to change the name of the domain on my blog, I think I have the wrong “theme” and I don’t mean WordPress theme, I mean “Ass” theme..

If you look at the Google anal-ytics shot below you can clearly see that my make money online theme is tainted by the “Ass” interference (although again not in the way these bandits mean :) )

I mean WTF? “letting my wife” do what exactly dude ? you have a wife, and you want her to bang you in the ass with a strap-on, on the internet, for money? hahahaha – boy oh boy.

So I am going to need to haul ass and chnage my domain name for something a bit more Internet Marketing Ohio driven because these pervs are clearly distoring my stats with all their filthy searches.

Maybe I should turn this site into some sort of super Ass-traffic affiliate beast, but i dont think I could stand to look in my stats..


2009 December 20
by admin

..Or “Arse” as my British friends would say (I’m British actually, my great granpappy came to the USA from Scotland originally)  But basically even though I burnt all that cash on my SEO Qualifications from Douggie at SEO4U over on DP, I have not had one single enquiry from my site for my troublues.

I am usually pretty unshakable in my conviction and my own abilitity but I have been seriously wonedering lately whether Inertnet Marketing is actyually my calling as I once thought. (I cannot even be bothered to do my 4 hours a day on DP keeping up with all the seo events and pagerank updates anymore either)

And when I look at my blog stats I can see  that mainly..

  1. I have NOT been making money online
  2. that the people who have been reading my blog are a bunch of perverts.

If I wanted to go into the *Pron* (have to mispell  it because I dont want the situation to deterate any further) business I would have made a good start with my Ohio Marketing Blog, just take a look at what the all pervs are looking for!

ass Now I believe I am fairly worldly-wise for my age but this ass obsession has taken over my website, I am not getting any traffic at all for Internet Marketing Ohio, and I am swamp-ass ed with ass traffic. (although not in the way Im sure some of these bandits are if you get my drift ;) )

There is nothing in my stats at all thats any use to me, (although my mom says “Number #7 and #9 would not be misrepresentation” but I need to look that up to see what she means I think she is just trying to be nice because I’m her son.

So anyway I’m feeling pretty bummed out about my seo carer right now..

BUT I met this guy at Jeff’s Bar who says he’s onto the next big thing and if we move quickly we can make a killing-  Real Estate.

I’ll keep you posted, maybe I’;ll do some real estate SEO while I am at it and double my market share :)

Take care for now


Oh and to my doubters, the same to you as my searchers..

“Suck my ass!” ;)

Top SEO Forums

2009 May 30

OK so firstly it’s time for the educational pahse of my blogging to begin whereby I will give my readers useful and intresting SEO tips each week to help you in your quest to make money online.

Please subscribe and checkback because you will not want to miss this :)


This week I will share with you some of my favourite SEO forums, these are the places all “T3h R34L ExP3RtZ” are all hanging, and you can learn SEO by the bucketload there.


  • Digitalpoint of course. although the dumb noobs are starting to irate me a little now, I mean sheesh if you don’t what the Google sandbox is by now, ..but I suppose we all had to start somewhere.

For the moment that is all, although I am sure there are many more if you look.

Otherwise things are going well at Jack’s yard so I can soon afford to get into SEM by using Adwords on my blog to get traffic. I can already afford $8.75 per week and am sure that with that many clicks I will get at least one SEO client, watch this space for updates.

Does WordPress Suck?

2009 April 25

I was reading this dude’s blog this afternoon and he had some good qulaity content on there but then I saw this post that really surprised me about how WordPress sucks ??!

I mean I know it’s not perfect but really the dude needs to chill. All the things that he has stated are bad are what everybody likes about it!

..and  Typepad is very gay.

He seems to realy know about blogging for a 13 year old and has 20,000 hits a day, but dude youre going to be burned out if you take life so seriously..

<–Take a chill pill and shout me up on DP if you want me to guest blog for you maybe I could show you some stuff about WordPress that would change yur mind ;)


Google Webmaster Tools

2009 April 21

Is really quite somthing these days, I have been studying the inside of it carefully for days now.

My site indexing problem appears to have resolved it as you can see from the screenshots I have taken from WMT (what the pros call it ;) ) howver I am a little worried about the focus of the type of traffic I seem to be attracting..


..Then you can see the Big G’s insatiable spiderbots  (I envisage them like those spiders out of “Minority Report, do you? :) ) anyway they succumbed to the quality content here and just had to re-index me again and the traffic starts to flow..

hahaha “plug what” ? OMFG dude.

Then last week it really came back strong.

But as I said I am ever so slightly concerned that the traffic coming here is not my target audience of discerning Ohio Internet Marketing Professionels I am targeting here.

Really people what is it with the ass obsession? ..what do some of those things even mean? :)

..the name was supposed to be a joke you know, not like, define the blog’s whole purpose.

“Index my ass” though,  ..thats funny man that was me 3 weeks ago, aand “SEO edge on Crack” you have got to be kidding me that’s a great name, I wish I’d thought of it..

I am “the SEO edge on Crack dude, and don’t you forget it mofo!! “  :)